Does This Vending Machine Make Me Look Fat?

Forget the whistle, forget the pepper spray, and forget practicing the firm "no" that you've only had occasion to use on your dog and whose sole response was to continue to dig/bark/lick himself. Why? Why because the Instantaneous Tent Skirt is here!

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/clothing/transforming-safety-clothing-inspires-sexual-fantasies-313221.php/

Combining form and function in the way that only someone who truly does not care about either can do, Aya Tsukioka has created a long skirt, that can be converted into a facsimile of a vending machine when the wearer is concerned for their safety. Of course, this presumes your aspiring assailant is (1) not thirsty and (2) not suspicious of coke machines with sneakers.

The idea though, is not totally without foundation. With about one vending machine for every 23 people (presumably not counting ones that happen to be sporting breasts), Japan has the highest number of vending machines per capita. And while vending machines are not quite as ubiquitous here, there are plenty of opportunities where a similar item of urban camouflage might come in handy.

For example, recently while walking through the Mission late at night a man began to follow me. Actually, perhaps follow is too strong a word – he more pitched from side to side, with the occasional forward motion thrown in for good measure. And while his thirteen steps for every one of mine was sufficient to remove me from any potential harm, I still can't help but, for many reasons, regret that I did not have a skirt that unfolded into a taqueria.

I won't hold my breath though. Although the New York Times recently reported on this, the skirt was actually designed in 2001. Which means that Ms. Tsukioka has been resting on her laurels, possibly while on the inside of a giant fabric soda dispenser.

If you have any doubts about how serious the Japanese are about their beverage/porn/dirty underwear dispensers -- check out Terada Ikeda's blog.

http://jihan.sblo.jp/

The aptly titled "I take a picture of the vending machine every day (or so). I'm very sorry" blog features pictures taken of the same vending machine for every day for the past two years. And while I might not want to buy the world a coke (excuse me could I change this for 19.8 trillion quarters?), I sure would like to buy Mr. Ikeda one, if only to pay tribute to a truely dedicated man. Now, if only the vending machine were a little slower….